Recently I found myself sifting through this blog’s archives, mostly out of boredom. In my quest to relieve some boredom, I came across this post. Initially, I wrote this post in the spring of 2013, right before I packed up my life and moved to Missouri after graduating from college.
It’s interesting to look back on these old posts that are just chillin’ in my archives. Actually, I did have this post live and public at one point in time. But for a reason that I can no longer recall, I unpublished it. Now I think I’m going to leave it here, in block quote format below. Although I certainly feel less in limbo now than I ever did back then, it’s fascinating to look back on how things have changed over the past two years or so.
Things have changed a lot, for better or worse. And it sounds cliche, but change really is the only constant in our lives. The lesson here is to just roll with the punches; plan where you can, but let things be as they are. I’m feeling anxious about a plethora of things right now. [But like I said, I definitely don’t feel “in limbo” now like I did then. Also, as I suspected, things have worked out fine for the most part in regard to my job and apartment.] And it’s okay to feel anxious. But it’s also liberating and peaceful to basically let the chips fall where they may.
The past two years have definitely not turned out like how I pictured in my head. To be honest, I don’t really know what I had pictured when I was at the ripe old age of twenty-three. Whatever it was, it’s definitely not how things are right now. I’m surprisingly a-okay with that. <3
Change is a funny thing. I have an odd relationship with it. Part of me hates change because my Type A personality dislikes the feeling of being “in limbo.” But the other part of me gets annoyed and feels stifled and restless when there seems to be a lack of variety in my life.
Right now, I’m feeling more “in limbo” than I ever have in my entire life: I just graduated from college with my Bachelor’s degree. My parents just sold my (second) childhood home in central Illinois to relocate to a town outside of Nashville, Tennessee. I’ll be moving to the St. Louis, Missouri area in late June, and the following week, I finally start my full-time career.
Along with all of these changes, there is so much to do during the next month. I have to help my parents get settled into their new house. I have to buy things [furniture!] for my first real, officially-on-my-own apartment. I have to get my top two wisdom teeth removed before they come in and ruin all of the orthodontic work done to the rest of my mouth [thirteen years of work, mind you]. Then I have to get settled into my new apartment, and adapt to the corporate IT world. And the list goes on. While I’m in this “in limbo” phase – when I’m not obsessing over my massive to do list – my impatient brain likes to over-think about what will actually happen once the end of June actually gets here. What if I hate my apartment? What if I don’t fit in with my co-workers? What if I decide that I hate my job? What if, what if, what if…
I know that my brain means well – it (along with me, of course) just wants everything to go well. I want to be happy and successful. I want to enjoy my new job, new apartment, and new city. I want to make new friends and stay in touch with the old. I want to pursue my hobbies and grow even more as a person.
Although it is commendable and important to hope for the best, to be concerned about doing my best and living a good life, eventually I have to quiet down my brain because I get overwhelmed.
I have to remind myself to trust the process: to plan where I can, and leave the rest up to the universe. Or God. Or whatever.
We can worry all we want, but worrying doesn’t change the outcome. And we can plan all we want, but nothing ever turns out quite like we imagined it.
To me, this mystery that surrounds life is equally terrifying and wonderful. But in order for me to find peace within, I have to simply let it be. Everything will turn out fine, even if it doesn’t turn out like I had hoped or imagined, so just let it be.